We have decided to home school.
And, no, that is not my dirty little secret. Although, with as much anger and confusion as it seems to produce in some people, maybe it should be.
This is not going to be a post about all the reasons you should home school, because I can't make that argument for you.
This isn't even going to be a post about all the reasons we chose to home school, because after countless conversations with my husband about how we can succinctly answer that question without offending, we decided maybe we just won't answer that question quite yet. We are certain of our decision for our family, and we decided our certainty is enough.
Nope. This post isn't any of those things.
This post is about a hidden, inner Kelly. The Kelly that covets and questions and thinks about herself most of the time. She isn't very nice. You probably wouldn't like her near as much as the Kelly you might love. My husband knows her. My kids know her. She rears her ugly head around the house more often than I like to admit.
You see, that Kelly really wishes her kids would get to an age when they would go away to school for awhile each day. She had thought for years that when her kids were in school, she would go back to work. She would try to get some of her professional credentials back in order and make a run for that president of a university thing she always wanted. Sure, it was pretty far out of reach with the time taken off to raise her kids to school age, but there was still a chance for her. She likes to think pretty highly of herself.
Or even before they were all gone for awhile each day, at least one or two would be away. She really wishes she had a little more time to herself. She thought it would be so much easier when they went away to pre-school or K. Then, there would only be a couple of them. A couple is nothing to her now. She could totally read books with a couple around. She could totally talk on the phone with friends with only a couple to occupy elsewhere. She was really looking forward to the freedom. She likes to do what she wants to do.
Now, she has been chosen over. Her kids and their education and their religious knowledge and their choice of peers have prevailed.
And the truth is, it hurts. My dirty little secret is I am mourning the loss of the life I never lived. The life out there. The life where I didn't have to give up so much.
But then I remembered -
We make sacrifices for our children. This is what good parents do - whether they work or stay home or send their kids to private school or public school or home school. We are each called to sacrifice for those whom God has given us.
Kelly (the one who thinks highly of herself) and Kelly (the one who is - by the grace of God - somewhat more humble) both agree with her husband - home schooling is the right decision for us. It is a decision worthy of sacrifice.
And when I am able to control the more selfish part of my nature, I know the joy of my children experiencing the real me everyday - sinner and saint, selfish and humble - far outweighs the joy of the life I could live out there.
