4 in 10 moms would rather go without sex for a month than give up their smartphone.
This statistic was backed by a Parents magazine survey and article titled, "Millenials Amplified: The Mom Factor." I didn't look it up or read more into it. I really didn't need to.
I won't even begin to go into how reputable I believe this type of survey to be, because frankly, it doesn't matter. The point is that there is a prevalent thinking in our culture that sex isn't really for women and more of a prize to be given to men when they are good.
This is a harmful and incorrect view of sex. It harms marriages. It harms men. It harms women. It harms families. It harms single people. It harms society.
So, what do we do? Well, some pastors write provocative sermons about "40 Days of Sex" or some other eye and ear-catching title, where they tell married couples to have sex everyday for 40 days. And while I certainly think pretty good things could come from a married couple having sex everyday for 40 days, the point about sex is really lost when we make it a law to be fulfilled everyday.
Does God tell us to have sex with our spouses? Yes.
"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
"And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth..." Genesis 1:28
But does God give us sex with our spouses as a gift? Yes.
"Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer,
a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love."
Proverbs 5:18-19
Or just read all of Song of Solomon and try not to blush. A few examples -
"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine."
Song of Solomon 1:2
"Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
let its spices flow.
Let my beloved come to his garden,
and eat its choicest fruits."
Song of Solomon 4:16
The fact is that in this world, we try to make what God gives us as gifts into laws and we try to make God's laws into something that we can pick and choose. Both of these hurt us and our relationships. God's laws and God's gifts are equally good, and sometimes one in the same - His laws are gifts.
God doesn't say to us that sex in marriage is for when we feel passionate for one another. He doesn't tell us it is for only when we haven't sinned against each other. He doesn't say it is for the days when you aren't annoyed about something to do with your spouse.
He says you are one flesh. That one flesh being a law and a gift. So, the desires of your husband's or wife's heart and body are, in fact, your desires.
So, if those 4 in 10 women who would prefer to give up sex over their smartphone are single, more power to them. Thanks for choosing the right path.
But if you are married, I encourage you to put the smartphone down for a little while, maybe even everyday, to be "intoxicated always" (Proverbs 5:19) in your husband or wife.
