Dear Sir,
I write this, not for you, as I don't expect you will ever read it nor do I plan to respond in kind to your prods for an argument, but for those out there who fear speaking up in this world due to aggressive statements such as yours.
The truth is I believe marriage is defined as the union of one man and one woman. This is not a newly held belief, nor has it been contested in basically all of human history before about 50 years ago. Although homosexual actions have been a part of human history for much longer, the institution of marriage has stayed the same. My belief in this definition is not an easy one to talk about today. I literally try to avoid talking about it - not because I am ashamed of it, but because no one gives anyone a chance to actually talk about it without writing them off as a "bigot" - to use your words.
So, since this is my own blog, and I can ramble on as long as my sleeping babies will let me, here are some things I assume you don't care to hear about from my perspective -
I love and respect many gay people whom I have personal relationships with, from some of the smartest people I have ever learned from to those I have shared some of my deepest secrets with. Some of these people live in long-term relationships with people of the same sex and some actively choose to live celibate lives due to their personal convictions against homosexual acts. The homosexual community and its members are as widely diverse as any other community. There are those who want marriage to be defined differently, and those who agree marriage is a different union than what they share with their partners. There is no one I feel worse for in this silencing-a-different-viewpoint society we have come to know in social media days as those from the homosexual community who struggle daily with their convictions against homosexuality.
I don't define marriage this way because I hate gay people or because I hope they live lonely, less-than lives. My heart hurts because of the so-called Christians who wave, "God hates fags!" banners. I know no Christians who do that. The Christians I know actively try to love and serve their neighbors through the help of Christ. They speak words of forgiveness and are humble and kind. The seek to live quiet lives.
I define marriage this way because of the Bible, yes, but that isn't the only reason. I also define marriage this way because children matter. The biological necessity of the sexually complimentary organs of a man and woman for procreation defines marriage. Marriage is good for society because it forms families. It ties mothers and fathers to their children. Have we terribly abused this institution? Yes. Are their children all over the world growing up with one mom or one dad or no parents at all? Yes. But that does not change the fact that the biologically best place for a child to grow is with the biological mother and father. This is not only good for the child, but best for the society. Marriages between men and women have the opportunity to produce children, thereby growing the society. Marriages between men and women have the opportunity to raise children with their biological mothers and fathers, thereby raising future involved citizens.
And it is even hard for me to say that children are best with their biological mothers and fathers, because I, in fact, have a child who was adopted. The idea that he would be better in a situation with his biological mother and father raising him is hard for me to swallow, but the fact is, he would not face some of the challenges he now will because of this loss. It is a loss. It was not a possibility for him to be under the care of his biological mother and father, and therefore, his birthmother made the amazing decision to choose a mother and father for him. So, we all know he is, in fact, in the best place for him, given the circumstances.
But this does not mean that we should set up situations where the loss of a mother or a father is not only possible, but a necessity. We should be fighting for the family, making changes to our culture that encourage families to remain together, and making the best decisions for our children.
My belief in marriage has nothing to do with me being a bigot. A bigot is defined as one who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion. I fully recognize and even stated in our conversation that I see both sides of a law that protects religious freedoms of business owners. The fact is, there will be people who try to misuse any law. But we don't write laws to protect the people who will try to break them. We write laws to protect our Constitution and the people of our great nation. We write laws to protect our citizens from the fact that there are bigots in this world. There are those who are utterly intolerant of anyone else's viewpoint. Thereby, there are those who will do anything to coerce another into following their creed. And that, we protect against.
Would I tolerate a gay couple being asked to leave a restaurant on account of their relationship? By no means! Would I tolerate abuse or public shaming of any individual for any reason? By no means! But I do respect the fact that a photographer may feel uncomfortable memorializing and celebrating an event that is against their religious convictions - whether that be a Christian photographer at a gay wedding or an atheist photographer at the ordination of a Christian pastor. I would defend their right to say, "I can't photograph that event due to my convictions," any day.
To say that I am scared to post this would be an understatement. The fact is, I am terrified. I don't walk around this world looking for ways to coerce people or pass judgement. I don't look around on social media, hoping for a way to shame people. I attempt to live a quiet life and love my neighbor with the help of God. I fail at this daily, and I truly apologize for any offense given or if I spoke unjustly. It is my sincere prayer that we are able to live quiet lives while openly sharing the reason for the hope that is within us.
With regards,
Kelly
