Today is Ash Wednesday - a day that begins a season of repenting. It makes me think so much about all three of you. Each week when we stand in church confessing our sins, the room gets silent for a private moment to recount the endless list of sins I could rightly repent. Different seasons of life bring different seasons of sins. I would prefer to not mention my former seasons, as they brought some pretty embarrassing sins. I am quite sure you will have those seasons, too.
But this season of life is different, my children. In this season I recount the same sins each week - the sins I commit against you. They are many, and most of the sins end in the phrase, "Again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me."
I lost my temper with my children...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I chose to read endless updates on facebook instead of reading books to my children...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I taught my children how to sass by doing it myself...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I was angry at my oldest child for not acting like an adult...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I was angry at my middle child for acting like a baby...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I was angry at my youngest baby for not sleeping like...well, just not sleeping...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I showed my children who is boss here by outwardly showing how wrong I thought their father was...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
I was frustrated that I didn't get to do what I wanted to do...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
You see, my babies, I have to go through this list every single week. I just keep doing them again and again. You undeservedly receive the brunt of my sins. You see me more clearly than anyone, besides your father. He gets a pretty good glimpse into this sinful flesh, too.
But you are so young and so forgiving. You run with open arms to hug me and say, "Forgive you, Mommy."
While I show you sinfulness and flesh, you show me a glimpse into the unending mercy of our risen Lord. Thanks be to God for the faith and forgiveness of His dear children and mine.
The truth is - I will try to do better, but I will fail...again, dear Lord. Have mercy on me.
And you, dear children, thank you for showing me mercy.
I live another day in His forgiveness and yours.
With love and repentance,
Mom
