"Aren't you afraid your child needs to learn social skills?"
"I fear my child doesn't have enough socialization."
We are obsessed with creating kids who are "social."
Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to know how to interact in the world. I want them to know what is culturally acceptable and how to decipher between culturally acceptable and actually acceptable. I want them to love others. I want them to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses and be able to recognize others' as well. I want them to be polite and kind. I want them to be forgiving. I want them to be repentant. I want them to share their blessings with others. I want them to be content in their lives.
I want all those things for my kids.
I just don't believe the best way for them to learn them is by focusing on social skills and putting them in a room with other toddlers so they can figure it all out together. Are there benefits to those interactions? Of course.
But just stop obsessing. Please.
Social skills and norms will come as children watch their parents (for the better or worse).
When you go to the grocery store, the gas station, the church, the restaurant, and the dry cleaners -
day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
The repetition of how you treat others and interact with others in the world - that is socialization. You don't have to plan out how to teach it or think your child won't get it outside of daycare or preschool. You just have to go out in the world and act like you want your children to act. They are watching.
Our culture would benefit greatly if we all started focusing a little less on teaching the social skills we obsess over and a little more on teaching the social skill we don't even talk about -
You know, the one where we learn to sit and be quiet even while we are bored?
Yeah, we need more lessons on that one.
Instead of questions such as -
"Has my child had enough play dates and time with others today?"
Start asking -
"Has my child sat still and quiet without TV or electronics at any point today?"
Still, please go on the play dates. Momma needs some socialization (probably more than any toddler).
Just don't obsess over the social skills.
