When people feel close enough to me to be REALLY honest, they ask the hard questions. This does not bother me. I like it. Actually, I love it. I love honesty, even when honesty is difficult. Maybe I love honesty ESPECIALLY when it is difficult. Honesty is real. Honesty is messy. I like it.
So, here is today's honest question and hopefully even more honest response...
Do you love children who were adopted as much as those who are biological?
Yikes. This is real, people. Where to begin?
To start, let's talk about love.
The simplest definition that I can come up with for the word "love" -
acting in a way that puts the needs of another above your own wants and needs.
Do I do this? Sometimes...maybe...with the help of God, I do. Many times I do not.
Love is not a feeling. It brings feelings with it, of course. I can feel my heart beat a little faster when my husband walks in the room after being away. I can feel my heart actually bursting with emotion for my children. I can feel my heart fill with warmth and joy when my parents hug me. Sure, I feel in love, but the love is not a feeling.
Love is a decision.
The love between a husband and wife is a great example of this. Each day, husbands must choose to love their wives. They must choose to act for their wives. Maybe that action is working hard. Maybe that action is cooking dinner. Maybe that action is taking out the trash. And each day, wives must choose to love their husbands. They must choose to act for their husbands. Maybe that action is working hard. Maybe that action is cooking dinner. Maybe that action is taking out the trash. The point is that they choose to act.
When I say I love my children, I mean I love them...
and I mean I am in love with them.
When I say I love my children, I mean I choose to act for them...
and I feel what comes along with that action.
Each day, parents must choose to love their children. They must choose to act in a way that puts their children's needs above their own wants and needs.
The reality is - children are not always easy to feel in love with. Who is?
They are tiny humans who know your buttons better than anyone else (besides maybe your spouse). They will choose to push those buttons during the most embarrassing times. They want...no DEMAND your attention during the most inopportune times. They force you to make the decision to love them each and every moment of your life.
And the more love acts you do for them...
maybe that act is working hard,
maybe that act is cooking dinner,
maybe that act is taking out the trash,
the more you feel in love.
So, do I love my son who was adopted as much as my son and daughter who are biological?
You better believe it...
with the help of God.
