Every once in awhile I get really wrapped up in people's comments about sleep methods for kids. The truth is that we have routines (usually) and keep set bedtimes and nap times (usually), but for the most part, we don't do much sleep training in the form of methods. Usually, things I do are pretty against most methods...
I nursed both of my nursing babies to sleep for naps and at bedtime (and whenever they screamed during the night) until I weaned them between 15 and 18 months.
I gave my formula fed baby a bottle anytime he wanted it, and even at night.
I rarely, if ever, let my kids cry for longer than five minutes (and that was only if I could hold out that long).
All of them have spent some amount of time co-sleeping (mostly due to me falling asleep while feeding them), but mostly they slept in their own cradles or cribs (six months in our room, and then booted out to their own room).
I have no problem if you have chosen another way for your family, and I certainly do not mean to even insinuate that what I think you are doing is wrong. I don't. I am simply shouting out to those silent and exhausted ones who choose a path like mine.
YOUR CHILDREN WILL SLEEP.
DON'T THINK YOU ARE FAILING BECAUSE YOUR KID WAKES UP 8 TIMES PER NIGHT.
There, was that loud enough? I know you sit back, trying to avoid conversations about it at times because everyone has something to say about your kids who wake up throughout the night.
"Your kid will never be able to get to sleep on their own."
"Don't you want your child to learn this skill set?"
"Will they be sleeping with you until they are teenagers?"
Here is how it has worked out for me, just to let you know that you are doing ok.
I have three kids and one on the way.
The first was adopted (and obviously formula fed after the few weeks of donated breastmilk we received from friends). He didn't "sleep through the night" (for me, that counts as a straight 7-8 hours) for the first time until about eight months. Until then, he was up pretty much every three hours. By the time number two came along (and he was 13.5 months), he was sound asleep for like a straight 12 hours almost all the time. He is four-and-a-half now, and rarely ever wakes in the middle of the night. He wakes up with the sun in the morning, but the boy sleeps well and in his own bed all night long. He puts himself to sleep after our prayers and devotions. He is a rockstar, except for the 5:45 AM wake-up calls.
Number two was a bit more traumatic for us. He was a terrible napper and terrible sleeper. It was brutal. The first time he ever slept through the night was at 11 months, one time, and then not again until he did it more consistently at about 13 months. By the time number three came along (when he was one month shy of two), he was rocking at sleeping. He is still tougher than our first in terms of sleep, but that three-and-a-half year old goes a solid 12 hours at night by himself in his bed most nights. He wakes up more often now to potty, but pretty much settles back into bed by himself. He shares a room with his older brother, and they go to bed together. All is well.
Number three was brutal, too. She followed almost the exact same timeline as number two, but never got in a good sleeping groove until about 15-16 months. She is 20 months now, and I can't remember the last time I got up in the middle of the night with her, and she goes down for naps and bedtime awake and does her own thing.
During all of that time, I had people giving me 10,000 different ways to make my kids sleep. I didn't try all 10,000, but I did do my fair share...I was distraught. I was embarrassed. I was sure everyone else knew how to handle sleep better than me. And quite frankly, everyone seemed to act that way. Mostly, I was sure I had screwed up my kids and their sleep forever, because clearly they will never learn to sleep if I don't begin from the moment they are born. But it just didn't end up that way for us. Three of them now, with different stories and different personalities and different sleep patterns, but all doing just fine. And I am still alive, to boot!
My point is this -
Raising kids is brutal, whether you sleep train them or not. The fact is that you will be exhausted whether or not you ever sleep through the night again. But sleep training or the lack thereof does not determine your child's success in life, nor does it determine your success in parenting.
