It really has to stop. I have to stop living in survival mode.
The saying goes that the days are LONG and the years are short.
A good majority of the time I feel like the MINUTES are long. I go through my day from one activity to another, and most of the time I start the activity with the goal of just getting it done. This line of thinking is a detriment to my children. I don't want to be like the crazy lady at the grocery store who says, "Oh, Honey, savor EVERY moment, because it is amazing." Every moment is not amazing. Actually, most WHOLE days are not amazing.
But I do need to savor a little more.
Spend a little extra time letting the boys figure out their scissors by themselves. Let them spend 13 minutes trying to button their own pants. Survivor mode puts me on edge, and every minute seems like an eternity. That means that potty trips with a new potty trainer can seem like six eternities.
I told my husband that I have to stop living life just surviving between times that he comes home.
OK, he left for work...survive until lunch.
OK, he left after lunch...survive until dinner.
OK, he left after dinner...survive until bedtime.
He responded that he feels that way sometimes "out there" too. "Just survive until I get home again." It reminded me that this is not a new feeling. I felt this way when working - survive until I see my husband and kids again.
And even though I felt something like it before, that line of thinking really does have to stop. I am not on some reality TV show surviving in a foreign land known as my home (even though it may feel like it sometimes - complete with close encounters with various strange bugs my boys bring inside).
I make this home.
I am a homemaker.
I don't want the home I make to be one of survival.
I want it to be one of patience, of kindness, of love, of generosity, of courage, of warmth.
But I also want it to be one of honesty and reality...
Sometimes that means survival.
