I was having a conversation with a friend recently. I told her she inspired me. Her response was, "I'm not sure how I inspire anybody."
It got me to thinking. I am truly blessed in this world, surrounded by a community of women who are living a life so much like mine - wives, mothers, married to pastors. It is quite amazing, actually. So, my dear friend, here is a letter telling you exactly why you inspire me.
Dear Friend,
You wake up in the morning, tired from the lack of sleep, longing for the possibility of a few more moments to think and pray before the chaos begins. You might catch a shower, you might not.
When you do shower, you relish in the 15 minutes of hot water streaming over you - washing away some dried spit-up, yesterday's lunch, and a Cheerio or two hidden in your hair. When you don't shower, you brush your hair a little and give a passing glance into the mirror, remembering a long time ago when you didn't have the marks of motherhood on you. Then you smile at how beautiful those marks have made you. You see in a way that most of the world does not - you see the beauty of the wife and mother. You make me remember why it is beautiful that I have stripes on my belly and hair falling out in bunches from postpartum hormones. You make me look at myself differently.
Then, you open the door to the glorious chaos that awaits you. You see your children - fighting, playing, learning. You let them be kids. You may lose your temper at the Cheerios thrown about - thinking about how another two are bound to make their way into your hair today - but when you do, you breathe, admit your faults, apologize, and discipline. In a world that either punishes unjustly or turns a blind eye to the behavior of children, you battle to find God's way of discipline for your children. You recognize each one needs different things from you. And somehow, you manage to figure out what helps each one learn.
You look at the clock and realize there is more work to be done. Pies to be made for the church, thank you cards to be written to parishioners, and dinner for your own family. You roll up your sleeves and make a ridiculous mess of the kitchen - all in the name of love for your neighbor.
On Sundays, you get those kids ready for church - by yourself. You get them to church - by yourself. You sit in a pew with them - by yourself. You cry a little inside when it is hard. You question yourself and your ability to handle this. You wonder if you are the worst mom in the world. Then, you confess these things. You say, "I know I am a poor miserable sinner. Lord, have mercy." You lean over and say the words of confession into your child's ear, hoping he may speak them out someday on his own. You listen as your child says the Words of Institution with Daddy. Your heart swells and sinks throughout the service - changing to fit the moment, whether you are surviving or thriving. Then, you go home and feed your family.
You live out your vocation - a vocation that many in the world find menial. A vocation that includes changing diapers, cleaning up pee accidents, making pies, running a vacuum, disciplining your children, listening to your husband, and loving God's sheep. In all of this, you recognize your own failures, and you don't whitewash them. You hold them up and say, "I have failed. Lord, forgive me. Kids, forgive me. Husband, forgive me." Then, you try try try again. Knowing good and well that you will fail again. Knowing good and well that God is shaping you in your confession and absolution.
So, dear friend, don't you ever dare question why you would inspire anybody. If you say that again, I may need to hop in the minivan with my brood, drive to the midwest, and tell you in person how awesome you are - how you inspire me because you are real, how you inspire me because you face each day under the cross, how you inspire me because I see you battle life's daily challenges with a repentant heart. And while I am out and about, we might just have to roadtrip to the West, to the East, to the South, to the North, and even up into Canada to tell some other ladies just how much they inspire me, too.
With love,
Kelly
