If a day comes that my daughters or my daughters-in-law are blessed with children, this is the letter I will give them.
My dearest daughters and daughters-in-law,
Everyone has an opinion about your life. Many will decide to tell you about their opinions through light-hearted jokes or hard-hearted stabs. Both can seem like arrows to your soul at times. The weight is heavy as a mom of young children. You carry with you the guilt of every mistake you will make...and you will make them. I made them with you, my daughters, everyday. I made them with my sons, your husbands, everyday. The world and your own consciences will tell you all the things you do wrong and some things they think you do wrong. You don't cherish every moment. You discipline in anger. You want nothing more in the world than to be alone for an hour and sometimes you despise your children for not allowing you that time. You don't feed them homemade food for every meal. You don't always want to take them to church. You feed them too often. You let them cry too long. You don't do enough. You do too much. You have too many kids. You, my daughters and daughters-in-law, will be judged by the world and by yourself. The world will tell you being a mom is not enough. You are smart and educated. You could be doing so much more. Your heart will believe these comments sometimes, because there is truth to them. You are smart. You are educated. And you will want to bolt out of your mom role. It will happen. And worse, when it happens, you will feel like you can't express those feelings because everyone out in the world was waiting for this moment - the moment when you finally woke up and realized they were right all along... You have too many kids. You want more than this life. You can't let yourself say the reality of a hard life with kids because everyone out there seems to hate kids. How can you, who loves children and the blessings of them, honestly say that sometimes you just want to run away? The burden is heavy. You will fail more times than you ever care to tell the world. You will hurt the ones who love you most and they will hurt you.
But my dearest daughters and daughters-in-law, should you be blessed to have a life like mine, let me tell you want I want to remember for the moment that this pain hits you -
I want to say I understand. You can be honest with me,and you can be honest with your Jesus. Because it does not matter what anyone's opinion is about your life. God gave you this life. In His infinite mercy and knowledge, He chose you as the mother of these children. He will fill your heart at times with such great joy that you feel you may burst. The love He gives you for your children is enormous. But when that joy and that love seems to be seeping out of all the cracks caused by the daily chaos, constant touching, endless needs, and constant interruptions, know that He will restore it, my dears. He will restore your joy and love. Everyday is hard - particularly between the hours of six in the morning until six in the morning the next day. I mean, I get it. When people make well-meaning comments about your "full hands" or when they seem to stab you with a dagger of hatred about the kids being "all yours?!?!," know that every person, even that person stabbing you, is fighting a different battle in their life. Do your best to respond in kindness, because their cross is no lighter or heavier than yours. Maybe your kindness will be a pebble in their shoe to remind them of that one woman who had lots of kids and still seemed joyful.
But more importantly, my dears, when you DON'T respond with kindness (and there will be times you won't), know that your Jesus bore that sin, too. You don't live a life full of laws from God to keep you perfect. You don't live a life to earn your way to heaven. You live a life full of forgiveness that sets you free. Free to love your children. Free to love your husbands. Free to love your neighbors. Free to love yourself. The freedom provided from the cross of Christ is the only cure for the crosses you bear in this life. You will never be enough, but Christ's cross will always be enough.
My dearest daughters, by birth and by marriage, know that I may forget this time in my life by the time you get there. God will have re-filled my joy and sealed my mom-of-littles cracks. There will be new cracks, of which I don't know anything about now. So, be kind to me, too, and help bring back some of these memories so that I may help you bear the burdens in joy. Find this letter and gently say, "Mom, remember when..." I will probably smile and say something ridiculous like, "Oh, I miss those times. Cherish every moment." Have mercy on my aging soul as I remember a time when I felt fully needed. I may not always feel that way, and I am certain I will miss that part...someday.
Love,
Mom
