Our culture is obsessed with independence, so much so that the notion of being dependent on another is considered archaic, old-fashioned, and just too risky to handle. But really it is only considered these things when you are talking marriage, because our culture finds dependence on government, credit and loans, and other various things acceptable and a part of life. But dependence on a husband? Oh no.
I admit it can be scary. There are risks involved. I am completely dependent upon my husband. I earn no money, I have no self-provided insurance, I am pregnant with another child, and I don't take out the trash or change cat litter. My life would be in turmoil should I lose him (and for more reasons than just those). And I am certainly not only discussing if I should lose him in death. Because marriage comes with a risk - a risk that the oath made by one can be broken.
But that is a Christian marriage. We believe we become one flesh when God joins us together. The risk of marriage is real. There is a pretty sure 100% chance that you will be hurt at some point, the amount of hurt may vary, but no one escapes some pains of this one flesh union.
But if we really consider what we say when we say "one flesh," we can simply look at how we treat our own flesh. Our flesh fails us, daily and much. It aches, it does not perform the way we hope and pray it will, it lets us down in times of need, and it just plain acts like flesh. But when it does these things, we don't run to the doctor and say, "Go ahead and cut off my arm, because it has really been a pain in my neck...I am tired of dealing with it." Of course not. We run to the doctor and say, "How can you help me? I need my arm. I am dependent on it. I need to have a good relationship with it."
And not because it always treated you well, but because it is your flesh...the one God gave you. You cherish it and fight for it and defend it. You depend on it.
And you know what the joy of marriage is?
That arm depends on you, too.
Being dependent on someone does not make you less than them. It does not mean you are worth less in the relationship. It does not mean you are weak. It means you understand being one flesh. It means you take that arm to workouts and doctors. You wrap it and tenderly care for it when it has hurt you. You let it depend on you for strength and care and love.
It is okay to be someone's dependent.
Being someone's dependent is my greatest vocation.
