Reality: The Peace of Three

Having three kids is peaceful.  You might not hear that one everyday.  In fact, you might not ever hear someone udder such seemingly ridiculous words.  Come to think of it, you might call me crazy for even saying them if you saw my house on any given day.

It doesn't look all that peaceful.
Believe me.
Peaceful brings one to think of quietness and gentleness and cleanliness.
My house is none of those "ness"es.

But my spirit as a mother is finding its way here with three.  It is finding its groove.

I have spoken with other mothers of three and the experience seems to be similar.  Mothers who hope and plan for more and mothers who know their blessings of new children are finished.  Somehow, number three makes a profound impact on the soul of a mother.

I believe the difference is the wisdom that comes from children.  They are wise and they share it.  Children trust and give and believe so much deeper than adults.  Maybe a very small portion of that wisdom rubs off on parents.  Maybe mothers absorb it along the way.  It makes us see the world differently.  It makes us understand excitement.  It makes us stop questioning everything and start breathing in the moment.

On child one, I spent hours google searching about sleep patterns.  I knew I was the only person in the world with a child who would not sleep.
On child two, I spent hours google searching second child sleep patterns.  I knew I was the only person in the world with two children who would not sleep.
On child three, I don't spend hours google searching much of anything.  Granted, some of that comes from the lack of time to actually spend hours google searching, but most of it comes from the peace of three.

I have watched my four-year-old grow into this amazing young man.  I have seen him sick.  I have seen him healthy.  I have held him for hours, days, weeks.  I have missed him after he has fallen asleep.  I have longed for one more hug.  Time passes, and they grow and change.

By the time number three comes, number one has shown you just how quickly it really goes.  And sure, every elderly woman in the grocery line tells you that it goes quickly, and someday maybe I will learn to listen to the wisdom of those aged mothers...

But some lessons you must learn by living.
Some lessons you must learn through the wisdom that rubs off of those small people.

No one can tell you to cherish the every hour feedings.
No one can tell you to forget about sleep patterns and just love and hold your babies.
No one can tell you that this phase too shall pass.
No one can tell you that the years are short and the days are long.

Instead, the wisdom just keeps rubbing off.  Mothers keep gaining more, and we find our peace.
And somehow, believe it or not, life becomes more peaceful with three -

even when it doesn't feel like it.
even when it doesn't look like it.
even when you have a day when all you want to say is, "Will everyone please stop touching me for one single second!?"

Even then, life is somehow more peaceful.

But, you know, I can't tell you that.

Reality: On Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Contentment

We live in a culture obsessed with happiness.  Do whatever makes you happy, right?  Happiness is a goal above all else.  And then worse, we turn someone else's pursuit of the all-hail King Happiness into a selfish statement about me me me.  "As long as it doesn't hurt me, do what makes you happy."

We are quite conceited, aren't we?  First to think that doing whatever we think will make us happy will, indeed, actually produce results.  Then to think that someone else's unrealistic ambitions of making themselves happy really depends on whether or not that thing will hurt me.

I hate to break this to you.  We don't make ourselves happy.  We never have.

What we do is strive for more and always think we have less.
What we do is look at another's gifts and think we were cheated.
What we do is lust for forbidden fruit and think it will satisfy our needs.
What we do is seek happiness and always fall just a bit short.

The truth is we will never be happy if our goal is happiness.  Whenever we get what we think will make us happy, there is always something else just out of reach.  Happiness is exhausting.  Happiness is empty.  Happiness is a pursuit unworthy of our valiant efforts.

True happiness only comes through contentment.
True contentment only comes through the perfect following of God's Law and plan...

Blasted.
That means I have to trust that God has given me all I need.
That means I have to perfectly love my neighbor even when he has so much more than me.
That means I have to completely give myself to the only one God has given me in marriage.
That means I have to rejoice in the gifts given to another rather than wanting them for myself.

So, my pursuit of contentment falls pretty short.  My greatest efforts at finding contentment will always be just out of reach in this life, because I am a sinner.  I don't always trust God's gifts.  I don't always love my neighbor's success.  I don't always give to my husband.  I don't always resist wanting more than I have been given.

Thanks be to God that contentment and happiness are found in recognizing our own failings and rejoicing in the Christ who took all of them upon himself.  When we say, "As long as it doesn't hurt me," He says, "Crucify Me instead."  When we say, "Do whatever makes you happy," He says, "Come all you who are weary and I will give you rest."

True rest.
True contentment.
True happiness.

Reality: A New Normal for the Schuett Family

The glass doors slid open.  Inside was a whole new world - a world full of people who wish they weren't a part of it.  A world full of real people living real lives - the kind of people you never think you will know.

I am speaking of the spinal cord injury wing of the hospital.  This experience, like so many in life, is pretty impossible to understand unless you are one of the patients or family members inside those doors. 

On April 25th at exactly 1:09 AM, Carolyn and her grown son, Larry, awoke to a very loud crashing noise in their new home.  This was their third night there - boxes yet to be unpacked, rooms full of piles of their belongings.  They opened their bedroom doors, turned on the lights, and saw Danny (Carolyn's other grown son and Larry's younger brother) lying at the bottom of the stairs.

"I can't move my arms or legs!  I can't move anything."

Those were the only words he shared then, and when asked of his greatest struggle today, three full months later, he still replies, "I can't move my arms or legs.  I can't move anything."

This is the story of one family living under the cross, suffering a tragedy most of us will never understand.  This is the story of Carolyn Schuett and her two sons, Danny and Larry.

Danny is diagnosed as a quadriplegic.  He broke his neck between the C3 and C4 vertebrae when he fell down those stairs three months ago.  He is unable to move his body from the neck down.  His respiratory system is struggling.  He has a tracheotomy in order to breathe correctly.  At night, he is on a ventilator.  Just today, three months later, he had his first extended trip outside for 45 minutes.  He was able to see and feel the warmth of the sun on his face.  He was able to catch a little breeze.  Those seemingly small things are moments of joy for Danny today.
 

Three months ago, Danny was thinking about unpacking his belongings in his new home, going to work each day through a temp agency, and spending time with his mother and brother.  Today, his mother and brother spend every day from 7:30 am - 6:00 pm sitting next to him in the hospital.  They feed him, change him, roll him, lift him, push him, and love him (in the most action-filled love one can dream to see). 

Life is a new normal for Carolyn, Danny, and Larry. 

For many years, Carolyn worked in an office just below her son's hospital room.  She did secretarial work for nursing administration and medical services.  She saw the names of many patients come over her desk.  She saw families come and go.  She filled out forms for people she would never meet.  Today, she passed by that office on our walk together and said, "I should have listened more back then.  I didn't realize I would need so much of that information someday for my own son."

Carolyn's husband and Danny and Larry's father died in February of 2013.  For a year, the three of them provided end of life at home care to their cancer-stricken husband and father.  Little did Carolyn and Larry know, their experience would start to prepare them for this new life they were about to lead.

That is, if anything can ever prepare one for such a task.

Life is a new normal for Carolyn, Danny, and Larry.

"I don't know what people do without faith." Tears roll down Carolyn's cheeks.  She continues, "I know God's promises.  He doesn't promise us no suffering.  He does promise us His Son."  The tears come faster now.  I kneel at her feet with my hand on her knee.  I hear crying from behind me and turn to see Larry comforting Danny as they both cry. 

The suffering is great.  The burdens are heavy.

"I'm 82 years old now.  82.  Lord, give me extra strength." 

You can hear her thoughts -

"What happens to him when I die?" 

"How can I care for my son the way he needs?"

"How will God provide for us?"

"WHY GOD??????  Why him and not me?  Why can I walk and my son cannot?"

"I wish it was me."

The love of a mother.

Larry looks determined.  "When he comes home, Medicaid will cover 12 hours per day of a nurse.  I can do the other 12.  Is that a lot?  Do I wish I had some more help?  Sure, but I can do 12, because that is what he needs."  Larry has dedicated the rest of his life to caring for his brother.  Three months ago he knew nothing about breathing machines and lifts and bed sores and muscle therapy.  Today, he has a plan.  He learned a new language - a language of medications, tracheotomies, catheters, and technology. 

The love of a brother.

Life is a new normal for Carolyn, Danny, and Larry.

The new home they moved into three days before the accident needs some changes before Danny comes home.  A team from Messiah Lutheran Church in Charlotte, NC, built a ramp outside their home.  Larry shows off the picture of the new ramp with pride.  Carolyn donated her living room furniture to make room for Danny's at-home medical room.  She has plans to remove the sliding doors from her deck for Danny to sit outside in his wheelchair.

Life is a new normal for Carolyn, Danny, and Larry.

Danny tells me,  "I have dreams about eating at Golden Corral!"  His brother adds, "Didn't you dream about vanilla ice cream on top of a raspberry doughnut the other day?"  They smile and share a laugh.  Recently, he has been able to eat banana pudding.  When I smiled and said, "Banana pudding never tasted so good," he smiled and his eyes lit up for a moment. 

Danny used to find great joy in playing church league softball.  He is an avid sports fan - The Miami Dolphins, the Chicago Cubs, the Chicago Bulls, and NC State University.  His face lights up when you speak of any of them. 

Golden Corral.  Church league softball.  Standing up to cheer for your favorite team.  The simple things. 

"What do you pray for, Danny?"

"That I will be able to move my arms and legs again.  That I will be able to eat again."

The humble prayers of a man who lies in bed and cries, "Why, God?  How could you let this happen to me?"

Life is a new normal for Carolyn, Danny, and Larry.

They hear the stories of real people who have defied all odds and moved again.  They meet the woman who became a nurse after her four months of being paralyzed following an accident. 

They were healed.  They walked again. 

There is some hope in those stories, for sure. 

A hope for healing someday.  A hope for a sense of normalcy.

But more than those stories, this family knows of the paralyzed man lowered through a ceiling to be healed by Jesus.  But before Jesus heals his physical needs, Jesus does the greatest healing for the man - He forgives him of his sins.  If you had asked this man or his friends or his family what his greatest need was, the answer would probably have been to walk.  Thanks be to God He knows our greatest need better than we do. 

Danny, too, is forgiven. 

Danny was washed in Baptism at St. John's Lutheran Church in Lagrange, IL, as a baby. 

Danny received instruction in the faith at Ascension Lutheran Church in Charlotte, NC, as a child.

Danny received the Body and Blood of Christ for the forgiveness of his sins at Abundant Life Lutheran Church in Charlotte, NC, as an adult.

Danny, even now from his hospital room, receives visits from his pastor in the stead of Christ.

Someday, Danny knows he too will be healed physically - on this side of eternity or when he comes face to face with his Healer, Jesus Christ.  But before Jesus heals his physical needs, Jesus does the greatest healing for the man - He forgives him of his sins.  Thanks be to God!

Life is a new normal for Carolyn, Danny, and Larry.

Here is how you can help them in their new normal -

Pray. 

For Carolyn, for Danny, and for Larry, we pray, Lord, have mercy.  Christ, have mercy.  Lord, have mercy.  Heavenly Father, we ask You to send the hands to care for this family, the resources to provide for this family, and the faith to endure the suffering for this family.  We pray for healing for Danny, and strength for Carolyn and Larry.  In all things, may your good and gracious will be done.  Amen.

Donate time and talents.

If you are near Charlotte, NC, consider donating meals to the family.  If you have medical training, consider donating your time for personal relief for Larry and Carolyn.  If you have construction experience, consider donating your time for remodeling the Schuett home. 

Give. 

A fundraising page has been set up for the Schuett family at this address:  www.youcaring.com/schuettfamily.  Any donations will be helpful in providing nursing care, home remodeling, and purchasing updated devices and assisted technology to aid Danny in everyday life.

Womanhood: Real Men are Modest

As I was scanning through the endless updates on my newsfeed, I saw a picture of a half naked man and woman embracing each other on a bed.  Pretty common, really.  Am I right?  No big deal.  I was somewhat interested in the story attached, so I decided to read the comments other friends had said below.

There were three separate comments from three different men who talked about how the picture was quite inappropriate.

Did I mention I happen to be friends with a lot of awesome men?

Awesome men who say things like,
"The picture of the half naked woman bothers me."
"I like the ideas in the article, but I am offended by the picture.  I can't share it because of that."

Yep.  Men.  Real men.

I scrolled on by the picture like it was old hat.  Nothing new here.  Just a naked woman.
Shame on me.
Maybe it was because I see so much skin these days, sure.  In an immodest culture, we are all a little desensitized.  Maybe it was because I am not as interested in seeing a naked lady, so I scrolled by without interest.

Whatever the reason, I just ignored it.
That isn't being very modest, my dear Kelly.
But hats off to you, men, for noticing and standing up for me and for all women.

Modesty isn't just about what we wear and how we wear it, what kind of poses we make in pictures, or what kind of moves we do on the dance floor.  Modesty is indeed about all of those things, but it is also about what we allow to be shared about other women and men.  It is about how we view culture.  It is about how we view sex.  It is about watching out for our neighbors and their best interests.  It is about not liking inappropriate pictures on a woman's photo sharing sight.  It is about valuing our bodies more than valuing the responses they get in a public forum.  It is about encouraging and uplifting those who stand up against the objectification of women and of men.  It is about remembering that every man and woman's body is one for whom Christ died.

Modesty is about thanking the real men out there brave enough to say they have had enough.
So, thank you, male friends.
Thank you for reminding me that real men are modest.

Womanhood: Submitting

My husband was gone for a conference for a whole week.  I had a lot of time to think between screams from our three three-and-unders.  Most of my thoughts circled around my need for my husband.  And while I totally need my husband emotionally, what I was really reflecting on was the physical things that weren't being done around the house.

Who brings in the trash cans after they are picked up?
Who takes out the recycling?
Who cleans the litter box?
Who fixes that rattling sound from the fan?
Who moves the fan from the dining room to the bedroom each night?
Who waters those really dry plants around the house?

And so on.

Sure, they are just simple things, but somebody does them.
And that somebody is certainly not me or any of our children.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I think absence makes my dependence grow deeper.
And that is not a bad thing.

The world tells women -

"BE STRONG!"
"You don't need a man!"
"Being bossy is a protected right!"
"Submit to a MAN?  Sure, in the 16th century."

The truth is when God has given a husband to a woman, He has given her a symbol of Christ caring for His Church.  Not every woman is blessed with a husband, and she is still indeed complete in Christ.  Because whether you are given a man as a husband or not, you are still called to submit to one another.  Submitting is not just for wives.

Check it out - Read THIS. 

Submitting has such a negative cultural meaning in our take-charge, speak-out, kick-your-way-to-the-top, don't-mind-those-mean-authorities, and who-needs-men-anyway world.

My words on the matter -
Get over yourself.

And that is spoken to me just as much as you.

We all need a little lesson in getting over ourselves.
Putting the authority of another over the desires of ourselves.
Listening to our husbands instead of forming our next response as to why we are right.
Honoring our parents throughout our lives in place of assuming we know best because we are all grown up.
Respecting our pastors' words without questioning if his voice sounded just right from the pulpit.

And my role as the wife and my role as the daughter and my role as the parishioner does not change based on the actions of my authority.

If my husband doesn't take out the recycling, I am still told to honor and submit to him.
If my parents don't agree with me, I am still told to honor and obey them.
If my pastor doesn't have the most amazing preaching style ever, I am still told to respect and listen to him.
Ugh.
It is like a punch in the gut sometimes - the Law.  I don't like it.
My sinful self wants to find some "but, but, but..." in this.

There is no "but."

"...giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."  Ephesians 5:20-21

OK, I was sort of wrong.  There is one "but."

It works like this -

I haven't honored and submitted to my husband the way I am commanded to do, but...
     ...but Christ fulfilled even this Law and even for me.
Even before I failed as a wife, He cleaned His entire Bride (even me!) by the washing of His blood.

I haven't honored and obeyed my parents the way I am commanded to do, but...
     ...but Christ fulfilled even this Law and even for me.
Even before I failed as a daughter, He was born of a woman, dying on a cross as the perfect Child.

I haven't respected and listened to my pastor the way I am commanded to do, but...
     ...but Christ fulfilled even this Law and even for me.
Even before I failed as a parishioner, He perfectly listened and obeyed His Father to the point of death, even death on a cross, so we, by virtue of our adoption, can call, "OUR Father..."

And because He buried me with Him in Baptism, He lives through me.
Every once-in-awhile I submit, I honor, I obey, I listen, but...
     ...but I do this only through Him.

Reality: Why children are awesome (and some other 100% truths)

Everyday I have to choose someone else over me.  Quite frankly, that stinks.  I like choosing me.

My kids take my time, they steal my showers, they wreck my prized possessions, they wake me in the middle of the night, they just need need need.  It is in my nature to just choose me, but here I can't.
They make me be just a wee bit less selfish every single day.

Children are awesome.

And with that lesson I learn to give a little more freely - not just to them but to all my neighbors.
My kids teach me to be better to my neighbors.
They make me stop judging my neighbors because I realize how hard this parenting thing is.
They encourage me to smile at my neighbor because I know they might be battling the same challenge as me.
Overall, they just make me stop thinking about me and start thinking about someone else for a change.

Children are awesome.

Everyday I see at least one of them act in the most obnoxious, sinful, annoying way.  I mean, I can't even describe it to you.
It is bad.
Then, I realize that is EXACTLY how I would act (and sometimes do) if it was socially acceptable for me to allow my inner crazy to be an outy.  And then comes the learning - more on my part than on theirs.
My children are the single greatest mirror of the law that God ever made - they help me see my own sin so clearly. So, we learn together what it is to repent.  And what it is to forgive.
It is a great lesson.  I need it everyday.

Children are awesome.

With each child we have had (whether they survived or not), I appreciate my marriage and my husband more.
What is this rubbish about children being hard on marriage?
Granted, finding time or energy to date, kiss, and make more babies is somewhat difficult.  But let me tell you, with each child, I know more and more how much my husband and I are
actually
really
totally
ONE.
I can't do it without him.
If I were to lose him, or he were to lose me, of course we would parent on with the help of God, but we would not be the same.  We depend on each other completely - sometimes just for sanity.  We share the same family jokes.  We laugh at our children's individual characters.  We know these little miracles and love them like no one else ever will, and we are the only two people in the world that feel this way.  That makes me love my husband more every single day.

And somehow, most of us who keep having children keep finding the time and energy to make more...so, there must be something to that "ONEness" thing...

Children are awesome.

The more kids we have, the less money we have.
The less things we buy.
The less stuff we own.
The less I need things I don't really need.
My kids make me care about stuff less.  Sometimes they actually make me hate stuff to the point of mass purges.  Cable - don't need it.  New furniture - sure, from a yard sale!  Clothes that haven't been worn by someone else?  I mean, they aren't even broken in!  Who needs such things?
The fact is, we probably live on less money each month than we did when we didn't have children.  I've learned to create in the kitchen instead of waiting for someone else's creation at a restaurant.  We read chapter books and listen to audio books instead of sitting in front of the TV.  There is very little entertainment inside our home, so we venture out into the woods or the library or the local park.  My children make me love the world around us.  And they make me thankful for the gifts we have been given.

Children are awesome.

There, I have given you so many reasons to know children are awesome without even mentioning the simple feelings.  But feelings are good, too -

The warmth of a newborn baby.
The pride of the first steps.
The accomplishment of their first read word.
Fill in all the warm fuzzies here...

True statement - children are awesome.

Reality: Your pastor is under attack (or at least he SHOULD be)

I am married to a pastor.

I also happen to be friends with many pastors and their wives.

And one thing is very clear to me through our conversations - 

Your pastor is under attack.

His family.

His faith.

His strength.

Satan will take whatever your pastor thinks he is good at, and he will pick at it until your pastor no longer has any part of his job that he feels capable of doing.  

First Satan will make your pastor question his abilities.  

Then he will make your pastor question his place in the community.  

Then he will make your pastor question his role in his family.  

Then he will make your pastor question his faith.

He will pick, pick, pick, pick, pick like the most annoying of little brothers.  

A little poke here...a bigger poke there.

Your pastor needs a vacation just as much as anyone else.  He takes a vacation, but without a doubt, a death or hospitalization will delay or cancel his plans.  Satan says, "Oh, you are tired?  You need a little break?  Well, let's see what I can do about that..."  There's a little poke.

Your pastor thinks he has a great sermon written, and he planned and read and studied.  Sunday comes and the delivery doesn't go the way he thought it would - something doesn't click.  Satan says, "Yeah, you thought you were pretty good at this preaching thing, didn't you?  You are so prideful.  God doesn't love pride.  God hates pride.  God hates you."  There's another poke.

Your pastor struggles to find the most gracious and loving way to explain closed communion to a visitor, and then watches that person storm out of church before even joining for a moment.  Satan says, "You can't grow this church.  Look at you.  That person just left.  You failed God."  Poke.

Your pastor has given of his time and energy repeatedly to a lost sheep, and then he receives a letter about their intent to take their names off the membership.  Satan says, "Yeah, I got another one.  Me - 1.  You - 0."  Poke.

Your pastor tries to be a "normal guy" and talk about enjoying a beer during the game, and then he finds out that a wayward member thinks he's a drunk.  Satan says, "Well, aren't you?  I mean, you did have one beer three weeks ago..."  I don't think I need to say it, but...POKE!

Satan will wear your pastor down with his shear focus.

And on what is Satan's focus set?

On making your pastor know he is not capable of being a shepherd to the people God gave him.

Because if he can get the shepherd, the sheep are just waiting to be devoured.

You see, there are no jobs comparable to that of being a pastor.  There are many reasons for this, but I think the biggest is because Satan is literally battling against faithful pastors.

He already had his chance with THE SHEPHERD, and he lost in the most humiliating of ways.  So, now he turns his focus onto the weaker undershepherds - the ones who are full of their own sin and guilt, the ones who know better than anyone what they have done wrong, the ones who are charged to preach the Law and Gospel to others while deeply needing it preached to them.  

If Satan is not battling against your pastor, you should find yourself a new pastor.  

In some careers, Satan will give a lot for a person to succeed.  He wants to give people a reason to believe they don't need a Savior.  

As a faithful pastor, Satan wants nothing but failure and despair.  

So, what can you do?  

You can pray for your pastor.

For his family.

For his faith.

For his strength.

You can speak well of your pastor.

Of his family.

Of his faith.

Of his strength.

Your faithful pastor needs you.  He needs your prayers and your presence.  

There is no doubt in my mind - 

Your pastor will fail you at some point.

He may be on vacation when you need him.

He may flop on a sermon.

He may speak unlovingly to someone.

He may lose track of a lost sheep.

He may have one too many drinks.

When he does this, remember what he told you in that sermon the other day - 

Christ takes on your sins,

Christ hangs on a cross for your guilt,

Christ is the fulfillment of every single law,

Christ sheds His blood for you,

Christ buries you with Him in Baptism,

Christ forgives you - 

     And say it right back to him.  He needs to hear it.