Womanhood: Loving Life

Our first mother was given the name Eve from her husband.  "The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living." [Genesis 3:20]

The first of all women was created to love life.  There is no denying it.  She was the mother of all to come.  She was the mother ancestor of our risen Lord.  A mother loves her offspring.  A mother cherishes the offspring of her offspring.  A mother is delighted to live long enough to love the offspring of her offspring's offspring.

A mother loves life.

In all the books of the Bible, there are no godly women described as killing children or hating pregnancy.  In fact, it is FULL of stories of godly women hiding their babies in baskets among the reeds to save them and longing for pregnancy into years far past childbearing ages.

A woman loves life.

A woman loves life so much she hurts.  She cries out for mercy for every child.  She watches her tears fall for the loss of her own child in utero.  She watches her tears fall for the loss of her young or old child.  She watches her tears fall for the barrenness of her sisters.  She watches her tears fall over her singleness and wonders if God will bless her with a husband with whom to become one.  She watches her tears fall for the baby created and then killed in less than ideal circumstances.  She watches her tears fall for the millions of baby girls never given the chance to love life as a woman.  She watches her tears fall for the millions of baby boys never given the chance to love life as a man.

Her soul cries out.  She was made to feel this pain and hatred of death and love of life,
because she was made in the image of God.

You cannot be a biblical woman and be pro-choice.
You cannot be a Christian woman and be pro-choice.
Well, okay, you actually can, but it is a sin.
Unrepentant, don't-judge-me, blatant, sign-holding sin deserves judgment.

Oh boy (or should I say "Oh woman?"), I just made a really harsh statement toward a whole bunch of women.

I am thankful the story doesn't end there.

Thanks be to God -
He created a plan to save us from the beginning.  This plan would use the pregnancies of many women (from Eve to Mary) to bring forth the Life to save all lives - all the lives He created in wombs of women throughout history.

For every sin we have committed.
For every time we have not loved life and defended it the way we should.
For all those things, He came.  He forgives.

A woman may love life so much she hurts,

but He...

He loves life so much He died...

that we may live.

Womanhood: Beauty Springs Forth

Read: Proverbs 31:10-31

The world teaches us to seek beauty in ourselves - on the outside or on the inside.  It is just too bad we can search forever and all we will ever find within ourselves is not beautiful at all.  It is actually the opposite of beautiful.

When referencing the Proverbs 31 woman, so many will say, "Look, this is what I need to do to be a biblical woman!  I have the answer.  I am a wonderful, beautiful, strong, busy woman when I act like her."  Or some who see it say, "Those crazy Christian women are so old-fashioned.  How could they let men treat them like they have to do all this?  It is so demeaning."  I will give them this - it does seem like a checklist.  When I first started thinking about this reality series on womanhood, I considered addressing the Proverbs 31 passage one verse at a time.  I fell into the trap myself.

Then I read.  I read.  I read. I read the Bible.  I read Lutheran stuff.  I read the opposite of Lutheran stuff.  These are my conclusions on beauty in reference to the Proverbs 31 woman.

This passage is a man describing his wife.  He sings her praises in public.  He goes verse by verse describing her amazing qualities in business, in home, in family, and in faith.  He speaks of her as if he were Christ describing His bride, the Church.

Hmmmm....
A marriage depicting Christ and His Church - who would have ever thought of that concept?

I can assure you the original Proverbs 31 woman was a failure in as many ways as you and I are.  I can only assure you of that because there has never been a perfect woman.

So, what is up with the fact that she seems so darn perfect?
It is all in who describes her - her husband.

You don't see Christ standing before God describing all the Church's faults.  You see Him singing Her glories, presenting Her as blameless.

I don't mean to turn the Proverbs 31 passage against husbands, but there is no denying their role in this perfect woman.  Husbands, if you want a Proverbs 31 woman, start treating her like a Proverbs 31 woman.  Sing her praises in public and in private.  Teach your children to sing her praises.  Talk of her grace.  Talk of her faith.  Watch your words help her become your blameless bride.  Watch your words help your eyes to see her differently.  You are to her as Christ is to the Church.  You are to her as this husband is to his Proverbs 31 woman.

I also don't mean to turn the Proverbs 31 passage away from a checklist.  There is so much to learn from the Law when it is applied rightly.  The Church honors Her Husband, Christ.  She does Him no harm and only good all the days of Her life.  So shall we as wives.  Wives, you can't be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman any more than the church on this earth can be blameless.  Does that mean you ignore the goodness found in this passage?  By no means!  You just have to recognize the passage for what it is...

Where does the Proverbs 31 woman find her beauty?  She fears the Lord.  Through her fear of the Lord springs forth a whole passage of good deeds to her husband and family.  Through her fear of the Lord springs forth generations of women singing her praises.

The fear of the Lord springs forth beauty.  Just as flowers springing forth in a field do not dress themselves, you don't either.

A woman's beauty is not today, nor will it ever be, found within herself - outside or inside. Her beauty is given from the same source as the flower's beauty.


If you would like to read more about the Proverbs 31 woman, I would recommend:

Proverbs - Concordia Commentary by Andrew E. Steinmann (It is rather expensive just to read this section.  You could also go visit a Lutheran pastor and ask to borrow it - I bet they would be really happy to help you.)

The Lutheran Study Bible (references to Proverbs as a whole and to Proverbs 31).  You should just go ahead and buy this one.  It is awesome.

I would not recommend googling "Proverbs 31 woman" unless you want to be really overwhelmed.

Reality: Affordable Care Act

It seems impossible for some people to understand why some other people would be against providing birth control for women.

Let's try a comparison -
Go with me here...

Let's say you have been a die hard, avid, crazy Colts fan your entire life.  Your parents raised you the right way and taught you to cheer "Go Horse!"  You lived this love throughout your life.  It really impacted everything for which you stood.  You spent your life educating others about the Colts and why you believe being a Colts fan is what is best for them.

And you happen to be blessed enough to live in a country with a founding principle of freedom in all things football.

Then, someone told you, "You know what.  Actually being a Patriots fan is really important and necessary for other people.  Even though you are a Colts fan, you are going to have to start providing Patriots jerseys to others."  WHAT?  You cannot believe someone would be so bold.  "Why would I be expected to provide something I am so against?"

So, you decide to fight it.  And amazingly, the other side seems to agree with you slightly...for a moment.

They say, "Hey, we get it.  You don't want to provide Patriot jerseys to others because you have loved the Colts all your life.  So, here is our generous offer -
You actually don't have to provide the jerseys.  We are going to let you sign this paper that says you don't believe in the Patriots.  Just sign right here and authorize someone else to provide the Patriot jerseys.  No skin off your back.  Somebody else will do it."

At first glance you think maybe this is ok.  You don't really have to think about it after you just sign that line.

Then, wait...

Hold on...

A question is brewing here.

You look up and say, "OK, so I don't have to provide them, and this other third party will.  So, who will pay for these Patriot jerseys?  Will that third party do it out of the generosity of their pocketbook?  Do they really love the Patriots so much that they are willing to do that?"

"Oh.  Ummmm.  Well, the Colts hats and t-shirts you buy...yeah, they will just cost a little bit more."
"So, I am paying for Patriot jerseys?"
"No.  Of course not."

Ummmm.

Then, the most important point comes up.

"Well, I am free to act in all things football.  This has been granted to me through the government."
Government responds:  "Oh, that's not what we meant when we said "all things football."

Comparison over now, and not because I think I have a perfect comparison...

Because there is no comparison good enough.

We are talking about religious beliefs held for much longer than 2000 years.  Religious beliefs held through governments which have come and gone long before the United States of America.  Religious beliefs held through dictators, tyrants, kings, prime ministers, and presidents.  Religious beliefs that will continue to stand long after this court battle is over - no matter who "wins."

Womanhood: Confessions From a Career Unfinished

When we found out our youngest child was a girl, I was more than a bit shocked.  I don't really know anything about being a girl.  Sure, I am one, but on the girly scale I pretty much rank near the bottom.  The only thing that keeps me from the depths of the bottom is my very girly fear of anything resembling a spider.  Oh, and my total inability to open any jar from the shelf.

How was I supposed to raise a girl?  I had two boys already, and I was even beginning to handle the occasional spider sighting.  This was not something I had prepared myself for.

I used to have a career.  I used to say I wanted to be a college president in the future.  I was pretty driven.

Then, my husband and I decided it was the best thing for our family if I stayed home.  And when I say "my husband and I," I do mean it.  There was no force from him.  There was no pushing.  I went willingly - very willingly.  I had been away from my young children too much already.  I desired to be with them and to make our lives more manageable.  (Albeit, less lucrative.)

So, one day I went to work, wrote my letter of resignation, and came home at 10 AM.  I picked my kids up, and we went home.  Just like that, I was a homemaker.  That evening, I celebrated with a toast and a margarita with my stay-at-home-mom friends.  I knew I was going to kick butt at this mommying thing.

I had spent many years in college pursuing a bachelor's and a master's and working in assistantships.  Then I ventured onto a post-graduate career for four years.  All of those things were leading me down a path.

This was not that path.  I soon learned - I didn't know how to do this.

Has anyone ever told you that you actually have to learn how to be a homemaker?  Provocative, I know.  I have never been one to judge stay-at-home-moms as being unintelligent or lazy, but I also didn't know how smart you needed to be.  You just had to be smart in things I wasn't smart in.

Like most women my age, I grew up in a generation that only added an egg to a box to get a cake.  Quite frankly, the lack of an egg in my refrigerator was usually the cause of a considerable amount of frustration for me.  "Why don't they come up with a mix that doesn't need an egg?"  I have said that phrase many times.

Women my age have always known we could be anything.  We have always seen women in the workforce.  We have not known a world where women made homes; we have known a world where women made careers (and tried to make a home after work).  We have upon us the cultural guilt of a former generation of women who say, "We fought for your rights to do this.  Now go do it."  When we choose not to do it, we seem ungrateful or held down by old fashioned men or worse - seem old fashioned ourselves.  We live in a culture which preaches its own awesomeness at standing up for the next generation, when in reality, we are only awesome at standing up for ourselves and our own interests.  Being a parent forces you into a life of putting someone else before yourself.  Being a stay-at-home-mom puts you in that life full-time.

Not that being a stay-at-home-mom is the most godly vocation of them all (as I fail daily and much and every vocation given by God is inherently godly), but it is one where the entire job description is about the next generation and their interests.  There are no awards.  No pomp.  There are very few self-esteem building moments (aside from your child using the potty correctly for the first time).  However, there are plenty of moments, hours, days, weeks, and years to raise God-fearing, repentant sinners.

All of this is not a statement against working women.  I understand the desire.  I understand the need in certain circumstances.  I fully recognize there are situations in the world when women choose to work AS a sacrifice for their children.  But those situations should not be our points of argument.  My heart hurts for women who must work against their own desires to be with their children. I was a working woman, and I don't totally rule out being one of you again someday.  This is a statement against the world (and quite frankly, usually women) saying making a home isn't enough - either by blatantly saying it to another or by saying something like - "I just couldn't do that...I need to be out working and doing more."  The implication of those statements is that staying home is less important.

When the ultrasound tech said "girl," I knew if God chose to bless my daughter with a husband and children someday, I didn't want her thinking she HAD to do more than JUST be a wife or JUST be a mother.

Perhaps the greatest commandment we have as parents is given to us by God in Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." [ESV]

Those are the words I hope my daughter knows she HAS to do.
Those are the words I pray about doing each day.  

When I say these are confessions from a career unfinished, I don't mean the career I had a lifetime ago.  
I am talking about the one left unfinished each day here with my husband and my children.
That is my career unfinished.

Womanhood: The Reality Series

The reality is - I don't really want to be typing this.  I am a bit scared of the world.

But, alas, I keep getting my mind drug over it and through it.  I suppose I should listen to the voices inside my head sometimes.

In 2014, I will be writing a reality series concerning biblical womanhood.
The reality is - you might hate what I say.
The reality is - you may love what I say.

Either way, I am sure it will spur some thoughts.

Hope you enjoy the ride.

Reality: Just Another Manic SUNday.

I wish it was Sunday.
'Cause that's my funday.
My I don't have to runday.
It's just another manic Monday.

I was a big fan of The Bangles back in the day.  I can still sing almost every word of this song.  I have no idea why I just admitted that little piece of information to the world...

Anyway.

I was thinking about this song yesterday afternoon.  While I am not one to complain about being a pastor's wife (because I actually love it, as you can see in my other posts), it does present unique challenges.  One of those challenges happens every week.  Sunday.

It is not my funday.
It is not my I don't have have to runday.

There are different schools of thought on the role of the pastor's wife.  Many say, "I am just another member of the congregation."  And while I agree in terms of the responsibilities you hold being the same as any other member, let's be honest, you are not just another member of the congregation.

Most other members have known each other for a better part of their lives.  Most other members have some form of earthly family nearby (and usually part of the congregation).  Most other members are not known by name and birthday and home and children's misbehaviors by every other member of the congregation.  Most members do not attend a whole other church service after this one because their husband serves two congregations.

I am not just another member.

I sit with my three children three and under alone.  I get my kids ready in the morning alone.  I drive to church (including three to be buckled into five point harness carseats) alone.  I manage a diaper bag, an infant carseat, coats when we need them, church quiet bags, and hands of toddlers alone.  I have a new respect for the single moms of the world.  I pray for them.  I am exhausted for them.

But then, unlike the single moms, I slide into a pew with three small children who make it their JOB to get to their daddy (who happens to be that man up there).  I am pretty convinced that when a whole Sunday gets over without one of them reaching him, it is only because God placed angels with swords guarding the two ends of the pew...and underneath the pew in front of us...and behind us.

I pray those angels visit every week.

Most Sundays I leave feeling defeated.  I go hoping to hear my sins forgiven.  I go hoping to see God's Gifts given to my church family.  I go hoping to be filled with Truth.  I leave feeling as if none of that happened.  I didn't catch much after the cheerios spilled and two toddlers crushed them into the padded seats or after the baby insisted that even though I fed her 15 minutes ago she HAD to be nursed.

Again, most Sundays I leave feeling defeated.

That is the funny thing about feelings.  They play tricks on you.  They cannot be fully trusted.  I know God's Word does what it says.  God does not depend on me to do His work.  I go hoping for the same things I actually receive, even when I don't feel that way.  Sure, I long for the day when I actually hear a whole sermon.  I long for the day when my children say all the liturgy with us.  I long for the day when my husband gets to sit with us in the pew...

And God gives me little sneak peeks of those moments - my toddlers sit up straight and actually seem to listen, my baby sleeps quietly through a whole service, my sons say the pastor's part of the liturgy with him, and my husband sits with me on the rare occasion of a non-member's funeral or on vacation.

A friend of mine recently reminded me that there are many seasons of life.  When this season is over, another season with teenagers will come...then a season with fewer children at home...then a season of empty nesting...then a season of grandchildren...each season with unique pastor's family challenges.

As I have said before, I actually love being a pastor's wife.  God has given me two congregations full of people who love my husband, my kids, and me.  He answers my prayer for those angels by giving us pew buddies to stand guard.  He gives us Christians to live in communion with.  This should not be taken for granted, but all these are just given to me as excess blessings.  I have already received the greatest Gifts - His forgiveness, His righteousness, and His Body and Blood.

And when I really didn't hear any of the sermon, I am lucky enough to live with the man who spoke it.
He can fill me in later.

Reality: Just Repeating

When my son points at the color blue and says, "BLUE!" people of the world praise him for knowing his colors.  However, when my son says, "I believe in God, the Father Almighty..." people of the world do not praise him for knowing the Truth.  They say children can't have faith and he is just repeating what he hears from his parents.

Just repeating what he hears from his parents.
Hmmm.

That statement is simultaneously 100% false and 100% true.

I will tell you why it is 100% false in a few simple sentences.  Faith is received from God.  I don't have the faith within myself to speak those words.  My sons don't either.  God gives the faith.  So, he isn't repeating what he hears.  He is speaking the words of faith given to him by his heavenly Father.

HOWEVER,
and that is an ALL CAPS HOWEVER, so pay attention here...

God does not just work willy-nilly through the world.  He works through means.  Through Word.  Through His Church.  Through pastors.  Through parents.

Of course my son is just repeating what he hears from his parents.  My goodness, everything the kid knows he learned from us.  Well, maybe I shouldn't take responsibility for those really embarrassing things he says, but they probably came from us, too.  Kids learn from their parents.  "Hey, that color over there is blue.  When you see that color, say 'BLUE!'"

My husband jokes about wanting to teach our kids something ridiculous and silly.  "You know, they would believe us if we started calling a cow a cat.  Let's do it.  Wouldn't that be hilarious?  Hey, is this cat's milk I am drinking?  Did you know I have a pet cow who sits on my lap and purrs?"
No, dear husband, I will not let you do that, but yes, it would be pretty hilarious.  Kids believe.

With that amount of child-like faith comes a huge responsibility.  If only we spent the same amount of time teaching the real important Truths that we spend teaching the color and number truths or the cow and cat truths!

But the world says, "I don't want to indoctrinate my children.  I will let them learn and figure out and explore on their own."  NO!  Stop telling kids they can call a cow a cat.  It isn't a cat.  That isn't the truth.  Someday, someone is going to judge them because they don't know the difference.  And when that day comes, someone will say, "Who taught this kid, anyway?  Why wouldn't a parent who loves their child teach them the difference between cows and cats?"  As a parent, stop making your kids responsible for figuring out what you choose not to teach them.  Sure, some kids may grow up to decide they want to call a cow a cat.  We can't decide for them at that point, but you don't start by letting them decide.  You start by teaching.

Even if you, as a parent, are teaching your child this creed every single day -
"I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.  And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord..."
the world is still teaching them this creed even more fervently -
"I believe in Myself and my Money, maker of my happiness.  And in the absence of all truth, our lord."

When my kids fall short, when they don't measure up to their bar set for happiness, when they don't quite get where they thought they were going, and when they fall on their faces, there needs to be Truth flowing through them.

Truth that flows from learning.
Truth that flows from their memory.
Truth that is given by God through the parents He gave them.
Truth that is "just repeating what he hears from his parents."

In the end, it won't matter if they call a cow a cat (unless, of course, they request their hamburger to be made of 100% cat...).

It will matter who they call Lord.